The Inevitability of Being (Poem)


Poems are never completed, only abandoned, and I think I’ve just about given up on this one (it’s been fifteen months since I was able to edit it). So here we go! Constructive criticism is quite welcome (you might help kickstart my mind!).

The Inevitability of Being
Stephen King was asked: why the horror voice?
He replied: why d’you think I have a choice? 

Writers write ‘cos they don’t know how to not.
Pigs root in shite, and smile, for it’s their lot.
And time ticks down till end of all—just ‘cos.
But it’s not bad to revel in the what
You have unchange-inevit-ably got.

So hear me, world, this proclamation!
—declared outside of Barking station!

I make up languages no one can speak!
I love Sci-fi, lattes, and ancient Greek!
I crave cliff top vistas yet I hate heights!
The snoozing city stirs my soul at nights.

Hear me, world!
I need a pillow ‘tween my legs in bed!
Hear me, world!
I inevitably was — and now dead.

© 2013-2015 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Fairy Rugby @rugbyworldcup @rugbyworldcup #RWC2015


Chess is a great game, perhaps impossible to improve upon. Yet chess players will sometimes decide to mix things up, just for fun, by playing to different rules. They might introduce new pieces, or new powers for current pieces, or even change the point of the game. This is called “fairy chess”.

Likewise, Rugby Union is a wonderful game, perhaps impossible to improve upon. But, just for fun, here’s a few rules that you might want to muck around with. So without further ado, I present to you the somewhat unfortunately named “Fairy Rugby Union”.

  1. All rules are the same as in Rugby Union, except where stated below.
  2. Scrums are great, but they also slow the game down. Replace with free kick for the team which would’ve had the put in.
  3. Line outs are great, but like scrums take up time. Replace them with a throw in (under-arm or two-handed overhead) which can be in any direction. Which leads me on to…
  4. Forward passes are allowed. The lack of forward passing renders Rugby unintelligible to people from largely non-Rugby-playing nations (in my humble experience). Which also leads to…
  5. No knock-ons.
  6. The offside rule, just like the forward pass rule, is unintelligble to many from largely non-Rugby-playing nations. Do away with offside altogether.
  7. Now that tries will be relatively easy to score, change the ratio of points. For example, goals are still worth three, but a try is now two and a conversion five.

And there we are. Have fun!

*dons flame-resistant jacket*

© 2015 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Roy Keane: More Evil Than Hitler #roykeane @roy_keane_Esq @ManUtd #mufc


The year was 2000, and I was 15 years old. I was watching a football match. Some random team against Manchester United. Roy Keane, Man United captain, decided to flip out for no reason, as usual, and get in the referee’s face. Aggressive and with split flying everywhere, screaming at the arbitrator, shoving him, and forehead marching the ref backwards. If he’d done that in the street, he would’ve been knocked on his arse. But this was football, and therefore par for the course.

It might even have been this match that caused me to snap

It might even have been this match that caused me to snap

Witnessing this, something broke inside me. I just couldn’t bear to watch these overgrown children, these arrogant spoilt petulant idiots getting in the face of refs and being twattish anymore.

That was the moment I fell out of love with football. Indeed, it turned me off all sport. It was only in 2006 that I started to get back into sport.

This turning away from sport had rather unfortunate timing, though.

I did not watch the 2003 Rugby World Cup. The only World Cup I have missed since watching my first one, South Africa 1995. The only World Cup England have won.

I did not watch the 2003-04 football season. The one where Arsenal broke history by going through a whole season unbeaten: the so-called “unbeatables”, the peak moment in Arsenal FC’s history.

Yes, Roy Keane prompted my sporting crisis and made me miss the greatest moments for my club and country that will ever happen. I can never get those moments back.

And that is why I hate Roy Keane. That is why Roy Keane is more evil than Hitler.







© 2015 Bryan A. J. Parry

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Most Offensive Advert Ever? @gareththomas14 @GuinnessGB #madeofmore #RWC2015


I think I’ve seen the most offensive advert of all time (or, at least, of recent times).

Gareth Thomas, rugby player, stony-faced gives the voiceover, his voice breaking with emotion as emotional music plays.

Everything I went through out there [on the rugby pitch] was nothing compared to the demons inside.

In my darkest hour, I turned to my teammates.

Telling them I was gay, was the toughest thing I’ve ever done.

But when I needed them, they were there for me.

Gareth Thomas emerges from the tunnel onto the rugby pitch, head held high and chest out, walking proudly to face the masses.

Subtitles fade up:


Thought he was alone.

Always part of a team.

Fade to black.

Now fade in… a pint of Guinness(!?) and the words Guinness: made of more.

Sorry, but what the f***!?

Gareth Thomas overcame sporting prejudice to say, “I am gay”. Even footballers, who play a much less manly sport, won’t come out. And when they do, it doesn’t end well: just look at Justin Fashanyu.

I’m sorry, but even by advertising’s slack standards, that is a disgusting advert. The struggle and turmoil of one man, the fight for LGBTI rights worldwide in the face of continuing violent opposition. All reduced to flogging Guiness.

What a load of offensive and cynical sh*t. It’s like nothing in this world has any worth anymore. Disgraceful.

See the YouTube version of this post here:

© 2015 Bryan A. J. Parry

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EU Trade Law


Scotland’s plan to introduce a 50p per unit of alcohol policy may infringe EU trade laws (

I have been massively against Scotland pursuing this policy as I think it will damage the alcohol industry and also not help alcoholics at all. Rather, it will merely penalise poor people and is an easy way for the Scottish government to rinse the masses.

However, the idea that the EU can dictate to nations what they can and cannot do within their own borders is disgusting. The United Kingdom can do whatever the hell it pleases, and we please that Scotland has such rights. It is not for the EU to tell the UK or Scotland what we can do. People need to wake up to this reality: the EU simply does not exist to serve the democratic will or prerogative of nations, and never has — but rather, it exists to serve its own strengthening and survival.

And it is for a thousand “little” reasons like this that I will be voting for the UK to leave the EU in the forthcoming EU Referendum. No jingoism, no racism or hatred, just a belief that the people of a nation should decide their own fate.

© 2015 Bryan A. J. Parry

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